7.30.2013
Induction day. I was 39 weeks and 1 day and I was being induced because of my gestational diabetes. I was hoping to go into labor on my own and everyone had figured I would go early like my last delivery with Daxton. But seeing as this was not the case, induction was where we ended up. Daxton stayed the night with my parents because we had to be at the hospital by 7:00 am that morning and I'll tell you what walking out of their house was extremely emotional for me. I called Adam crying on the ride home. I had been having an emotional day reflecting on all the changes my little family of 3 was about to face [and not negatively in any way]. I was sad to see that time of just Daxton and I go, but excited and extremely anxious to meet my new son. There is just something tender about those final moments before such a life altering event and I wanted to cherish every second of it. Daxton will always have that special little place in my heart as my oldest and I guess that's something you can only really understand when you reach that point in your life. I was worried about how he would handle the change in dynamics and only wanted a positive experience for all of us. There is something surreal about having a scheduled moment when you become a mother of 2 and I wanted so badly for this little boy to finally take his place in our family. I was a little apprehensive about this delivery for a lot of reasons, many of which I really can't put my finger on. But the most prevalent on my mind was the loss of my nephew, Easton just a few months earlier. It has been really hard on my family. There was a lot of emotions for all of us with this delivery and I think until he as actually born and in our arms there was going to be tangible feeling of unease.
I couldn't sleep the night before. I woke up that morning at 4:00 am and couldn't turn my brain off to get back to sleep. I finally got out of bed and continued my crazy nesting habits of prepping the nursery and tidying things up around the house. I read most of the literature I had on hand about breastfeeding and finally crawled back into bed to catch 30 minutes of sleep before my alarm went off. Adam gave me a blessing and together we headed to the hospital ready to meet our new son. All the while hoping things would go quickly and smoothly. I
had been having contractions during the weeks prior and was having
consistent ones that morning. So we thought with a little help of
the induction my labor would start fairly quickly. That drive to the hospital was so different than our first. We walked into labor and delivery hand-in-hand, knowing we were about to meet our son and become a family of 4. Our nurse's name was Lisa. She was really fun. A little unorthodox but fun. She had a hard time finding a vein to get my iv stared. It took 2 nurses and 3 attempts but by golly we eventually got it! By the time we got my iv and oxytocin going it was nearly 10:30 am. I had to be hooked up to not only my iv and oxtyocin, but to the monitors as well until the actual delivery took place. I would say the worst part about the whole day was not being able to eat anything. I wished I would have known that going into the day because I totally would have had a gigantic breakfast.
My mom and little sister, Carissa came to the hospital around that time and the 4 of us spent the morning hanging out in my delivery room talking and laughing. At one point I walked out of the bathroom with my sexy gown on and danced with my iv pole singing the song from "Sleeping Beauty." The one that goes "I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream. The gleam in your eyes is so familiar..." That got a lot of giggles. And by sexy gown I mean the one with the open back and all the holes in the front and of course the most atrocious pattern ever. I wanted to keep the mood light and happy. My goal was a positive experience for everyone.
One of the best parts about my day was when my dad made a surprise visit with Daxton. I hadn't anticipated seeing him until his brother was born. I heard a knock on the door and saw those tiny little sneakers underneath the curtain enter the room. It made me so happy. Daxton wasn't so sure about the whole place in general and he definitely wasn't sure about mom in the hospital bed with all those cords attached to me. He was a little unsure about the whole thing. Once he warmed up to the room and everything going on he was having a total blast checking stuff out and jumping off the bench in the room. He was in such a good mood and that only increased my desire to meet his little brother.
My oxytocin was being administered every half hour with the goal of getting my contractions to be consistent and close together, as well as increase their intensity. We attained the goal of consistent contractions every 2 minutes apart but the intensity was not strong enough to be considered active labor. I was uncomfortable during some of the contractions don't get me wrong, but it was nothing that I couldn't handle. I was still able to have fun and laugh, walk around and be happy. I just wanted so badly for the real labor to start. About mid afternoon I was starting to get discouraged and frustrated. I was having harder contractions. I was starving and not being able to eat anything only added to the situation. I was uncomfortable and feeling glum about being cooped up in the same room most of the day. The nice thing about St Als is the courtyards they have throughout labor and delivery. I finally decided I needed a change of scenary and something to shift my attitude and being able to go outside and enjoy the sunshine was exactly what did it. Adam and Carissa accompanied myself and my iv pole outside to sit and recoup. I was so much happier after that.
FINALLY about 4:30 pm, Dr Z asked the dr on staff (Dr Lund) at the hospital to break my water. I was a little nervous for that because I'd always heard so many mixed emotions on that subject from so many other moms. But surprisingly it didn't bother me at all; honestly I didn't even feel it. The worst part was her barging in the room, offering no privacy whatsoever and getting all up in lady business so quickly. That was slightly awkward. But I will say after my water broke I was told I had to stay sitting in my hospital bed for a minimum of a half hour. Yuck. That was by far the longest half hour of my life. That was extreme unpleasant. Enough said on the topic.
Immediately after my water broke we had progression. My contractions really started to be consistent and hard. I knew there wasn't much time before we would be meeting this little baby. As I watched the clock like a hawk for the 30 minute mark, as soon as 5:15 pm rolled around I was up and out of that bed headed straight for the bathroom. It was a long 30 minutes not only because of the unpleasantness I was experiencing with the fluid but it was hard to sit immobile during those intense contractions. I wanted to be up and moving! Here is where I got an uneasy stomach. Another sign of my hard labor. I knew at that point I was going to want an epideral. I was dilated to a 6 by this time and we got my iv administered in order to have the epideral. During that 20 minute time span Adam and I decided to go for a walk to progress things as much as we could while I was still able to be on my feet. Adam was a good sport while I weathered the contractions on our walk. I had to stop walking to concentrate and focus to get through the pain. All the while clinging to Adam for support and I'm sure squeezing very tightly on his bicep. He is such a good husband. By now he knew it was almost game time and he really stared to get excited and began to command the room and take charge. He was encouraging and in tune with exactly what I needed in each moment. It's not exactly easy to be asked loads of questions as to what you want at a time like that and honestly, you don't know what you want outside of making it through the next contraction.
It was 6:30 PM when the nurse anesthetist came into the room to administer my epidural. We got things going and the epidural worked wonderfully. I became quite comfortable. I knew going into this whole process the signs and signals for the progression of my labor after having Daxton. I should say I recognized them when they came but for Adam it was almost like he had a sixth sense. He had told our nurse and nurse anesthetist at one point exactly what I would need during certain points in my labor and he was totally right. Soon after my epidural had started working I began to get the uncontrollable shakes and the chills from the medicine being administered. Adam had told my nurse early on that would happen and he had warm blankets ready for me as soon as he saw my shakes. I didn't have to say a word about it, he just knew what I needed and what would best make me comfortable. I just love that man.
It was now 6:50 pm and since my epidural was working and fully underway the nurse anesthetist finished what he needed and left the room. Dr Zakarian had already come to the hospital and was in labor and delivery doing charting and going over her day's work. My nurse checked to see how far I was dilated. I was now to a 9. So they called Dr. Z in and starting making preparations for delivery. The heating pad and blankets were brought in along with towels, blankets and everything we would need to welcome this baby into the world. I started to get excited and anxious knowing that I was about to meet my new son. Adam was extremely anxious and so excited. He was so sweet and kept rubbing my feet and kissing my forehead and whispering sweet words of encouragement and praise.
6:55 pm. I distinctively remember looking at the clock and teasing Lisa that we were going to finish this before 7:00 pm and her shift was over and I told Dr Z we were going to deliver him with two pushes. All in jokes. But that's exactly what I did. Before I even knew it was happening, Adam and Lisa each had my legs positioned and Dr Z was telling me to push. I was caught off guard with how quickly everyone was ready. Well, everyone but me. I was ill prepared for that first push but gave it everything I had. I don't think I will ever fully be able to describe the level of concentration and focus that I enter when that moment comes. It's a mental state and emotion that I can't fully put into words. It's almost like I get tunnel vision. The only person I visually focus on is Dr Z and the only one I could hear was my mom. My mom and Carissa were still in the room and I cannot say enough how wonderful it is to have my mother there. Her voice always becomes my focal point, even though I can't necessarily see her I can tell by the level of excitement in her voice how much more I will have to give. After that first push I could hear her telling me how much hair he had and how dark it was through the happy tears and emotion in her voice. When that next contraction came and Dr Z told me to push, I put everything I had left into that last exertion knowing my baby was within reach.
It was 7:00 pm on the dot and the next thing I knew he was in my arms and I was enjoying the sweet sound of that first cry. He was so beautiful. That perfect moment when you hold your child for the first time makes time stand still. I forgot about everyone else in the room and all the commotion that went with it. It was just him and me. That bond between mother and child growing with every passing second. What a blessing it is that families are forever. Adam was so tender and sweet. He kept kissing me on the forehead, making the moment even more tender. We were now a family of 4 and would be forever. I wish there were words to describe the flood of love and emotion those precious minutes held. There are too few experiences in life that are that tangible. We named our new baby boy Kason Allen Doss. We gave him the middle name of Allen after my dad's middle name. Kason weighed 7.3 lbs and was 19 inches long and was born just like I said he would right at 7:00 pm.
Adam went to go deliver the news to the rest of our families patiently waiting in the waiting room. Everyone was so excited to meet him and even more anxious for us to decide on his name. Daxton was the one I was really looking forward to meeting him. He was in the room during the hustle and bustle of everyone passing my sweet new baby around and when everyone had had their fill I held both my boys for the first time. Daxton's first reaction was pure excitement and curiousity. He pointed at Kason next to him and yelled at the top of his lungs, "LOOK AT THIS!" He was so concerned when the nurse came and took Kason away for his first initial tests and medications. He watched the entire time during his bath and wouldn't take his eyes off of his vocal little brother. My dad was holding Dax while all this was going on and Daxton at one point reached over and grabbed Kason's little foot making sure he was alright. It was so sweet to watch. I hope he will always be a good big brother and watch out for his younger siblings like he did that night.
I am so grateful for the blessing that I have been given to be able to bare children. I am even more grateful for the wonderful boys I have been blessed with. They make me a mother, which is by far the most important thing I have ever done in my life.
Kason, you were born into a family that loves you more than you will ever know. We are so blessed to have you and your sweet, heavenly spirit in our home. We can't imagine life without you. You have the best big brother around and he'll teach you lots of things. Like how to love and be loved, how to be a boy and love all things boy related. He will show you how to have fun and laugh. You are a lucky boy. No, we are the lucky ones.
